Fuckboy Free in 19

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Before we get into this post hot and heavy, let's first try and define what exactly a "fuckboy" is. I, for the most part appreciate and agree with the definition as follows which I found on Urban Dictionary : "Fuckboy"

Asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for "pics" once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for "no reason." He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and can not withstand the dispossession of one of his baes, because he has more than one that's for sure. Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl's response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is "busy" but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical assholes who can not be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.

Now that that's out of the way, I occasionally (usually when I'm having my emotional breakdowns) throughout the year like to take a look at exactly how many or how much precious time I have wasted on these so called "fuckboys". Happily, I can report that I am not having an emotional breakdown but as you will see from the timestamp, a new year is upon us which for a lot of us means taking a little time for reflection and making a list of resolutions for the upcoming year. As the title may suggest that striving to be "fuckboy" free would most likely be on my list of New Year resolutions, it however, is not. Why? Well, my friends, that is because in this day and age these "fuckboys" are all around us and they are starting to hone in on their fuckboy skills to the point that we begin questioning our own intuitions about them. I am however, going to incorporate my own self help skills to swerve these little bastards off. So you may be wondering, how is self help skills going to prevent one from dealing with "fuckboys"? Well, I have noticed that for me (and I can't speak for everyone), I am usually at a low point in my life or my mental health when I allow these "fuckboys" to infiltrate into my life. Understandable, right? As the old saying goes "hit you when you're down". These "fuckboys" can smell weakness and vulnerability a mile or more away and they feed off of it. They don't give a shit if you are already damaged, they will feed you bullshit until there self-centered, selfish asses get what they want even if it breaks you.

Then, if they like what they get from you, they will continuously try to cry wolf and manipulate you even more because let's face it, they could give two fucks if they use you up and put you out with the trash. Why? Because you can't expect a damaged person to heal you, their is a reason they are a "fuckboy". Don't expect to change them either, not happening. A person will only change if they want too and can only heal from the inside out. Does that mean you should leave a damaged person to their selves? Yes and no. Support them the best you can as long as it's not damaging you, when that starts happening then that means their not committed to healing or changing because helping someone that is actively helping themselves should never bring you down. While, we are on the healing subject, let's just roll right into the list of self help things that I plan on doing to assist in staying #fuckboyfreein19

1. Invest in healing your mental health. Invest in a good therapist or some good self help books. Don't have the money? Check with your insurance and see what they will or won't cover. Research your local area and see if their is any free self help groups in the area. If you don't want to waste money away on books that you don't know if you will like then check out the local library or their is a lot of book and audio book apps that offer a free book if just download the app. Don't have the time? Online therapy is now offered through various different companies and can be more flexible with places and times. Having a book downloaded on your phone will allow you to have instant access to read a page or two whenever you have any downtime. Another good way to get reading time in, is by keeping at book with you in your purse or bag to read if you have free time, no internet service or a dead phone or keep one by your bed to read at night which can also help with relaxation and falling asleep.

2. Commit to living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of your body. Feeling good physically will also help with your mental help and can also help with your self love and confidence. Even if you don't have any big plans or even plan on leaving the house, get up, shower, put on actual clothes and even go the extra step and do your hair and makeup. If you look good, then you will feel good. Feeling good is a great way to boost confidence and promote self love. When you are confident, then you will most likely be less vulnerable and have a higher sense of self worth and self love. Think that living a healthy lifestyle doesn't fit into your budget? If you can't swing the price of a gym membership for exercising you can always buy used equipment at thrift shops for a one time cost and do at home exercising routines by following along to free You Tube videos. Some exercises may not even require additional equipment, like for instance Yoga. Think you can't afford to eat healthy? While it is more expensive, their is ways around it. Watch You Tube Channels of You Tubers who specialize in giving tips at eating on a budget, download Pinterest and their is tons of pins on there for free to give you tips and tricks on eating healthy on a budget. Lastly, meal planning and meal prepping are other big ways to save because you can plan ahead in order to spend lest. Lastly, if you want to take the time their are tons of coupon apps or even paper coupons that you can use to save even more.

3. Get to a point in your life where you can be independent and support yourself. Having the feeling of not being able to support yourself and relying on someone else to subsequent your income can do damage to your mental health, self love and vulnerability. This one can be easier said then done, depending on your circumstances so I will try to cover a wide range of options. First thing that helped me was arranging a budget to see what the least amount of money I could live off of would be so that I knew what income I needed to bring in each month just to get by. Second off figure out if you can afford to have your own place or if you would be better budgeted to rent a room from a friend, reputable acquaintance or family member or move back in with family and work out a rental agreement with them that allows you to help them while also getting your financial situation in order so that you can potentially move back out on your own again or with a roommate or significant other. Third, the income aspect of it all, of course their is the obvious Full time or Part time job or both. If those are not an option or more income is needed aside from those then you can start to search for side hustles that cater to your availability, experience and physical capability to do them. You can search for these side hustles online, through networking with friends & families, local newspapers or even just starting up a small business of your own. These things can range from babysitting, cleaning homes or offices, sitting with the elderly, selling items you no longer need through online selling apps, dog walking, dog sitting, house sitting, renting out a room if you have an extra room or start doing any work from home jobs that are found online that are reputable and can work with your schedule. Research, sit down and make a list of things and don't give up looking or think things are out of reach or unattainable. "Everyday I'm Hustling", like for real though.

4. Learn how to be happy doing things alone and enjoying your own company which in turn, will help with empowerment and self love. It's OK to be single, sometimes we need that time as a reset between toxic relationships or situations in our lives until we get back on track. Don't rush it, what takes a month for one person could take years for another and during those times we have to love ourselves enough to get through it. Even if you are in a relationship, alone time is also an important aspect for the both of you in order to ensure self love, happiness and sanity. So what are some ways you can be happy doing things alone? Pick up a new hobby or make the time for ones you already have. Check out some local Meet Up groups in or around your area to do or experience new or old hobbies with like minded people. Catch a movie by yourself, meet up with a friend that you haven't seen in awhile, treat yourself to a meal out at a restaurant or even take out, indulge in a spa or massage or do a diy spa day at home with a bestie, go out and explore a new place, town or shop and even stay overnight for the weekend if your budget allows it. Finally, staying on track, staying focused and finding outlets to express your thoughts and even explore your spirituality or religion are other good ways to enhance self love and alone time. Ways to do this can be journaling your thoughts, planning out your weeks in a planner, reading self help books, meditation and going to your church if you have one or even go church surfing until you find one that matches your beliefs. I can't stress how important planning or making lists of things you love to do, your hobbies & interests, or places you want to go or people you want to spend time with are. Sometimes winging it is not enough and sitting down and really getting to know yourself and planning your days, weeks and months out can make such a difference. Also, set goals but obtainable ones, I'm talking monthly to potentially 5 years out.

And these my friends are a few of the ways that I intend on working on myself for the New Year in hopes to be happy and healthy within myself so that I can steer clear of those so called toxic "fuckboys" or just toxic people who you let come into your life in general who tend to do more damage in the long run. You may have noticed that while recommending certain apps, ideas, websites, social media platforms etc that I did not mention a lot of specific names of them because I believe that putting the work into researching things really commits you to becoming more successful. These are just my thoughts, opinions and ideas and I am by no means certified to say that these things will work for everyone but they have been beneficial to me so far and I truly believe the benefits will continue to grow from them. I hope that if you are reading this you have enjoyed it, laughed a little, found some inspiration and hopefully a few tips and ideas to help you in the year to come.

On a final note, might I add just how sad that my first official blog on the first official day of the New Year happens to be about "fuckboys". Yea, I have a feeling that 2019 is going to be as interesting as always. Be sure to subscribe and check up on me from time to time as I continue to share the my lovely yet sometimes chaotic thoughts and experiences with you. Cheers to you all and the New Year ahead of you, may you succeed in fulfilling all you goals and aspirations while remaining happy and healthy. Love, B......

P.S. please please please use #fuckboyfreein19 in any social media platform posts that may apply to it and tag me in them because it's fucking awesome!