Excuses are Road Blocks, Time to Learn to take a Detour & Live again

So, tomorrow which is really today because it's already after midnight, I begin a new 8 week gym program at a semi-local gym. It's geared more towards pre-surgery preparation and those who are just beginning to exercise and live a somewhat sedentary lifestyle. I haven't always lived a sedentary lifestyle but due to a long list of illnesses that have taken a hold of me from around 2016 to current date, I have been drug down mentally, physically and emotionally to a level where I'm almost scared to push myself beyond what I feel my body can handle because I don't want to have pain the following day. It's quite a sad a life to live in because in all reality if I continue to stay exactly the same and not push myself then I will only get worse or stay the same and that's just not something that I'm willing to accept any longer.

I have successfully lost 100+ lbs two times on my own before but the first time, I gained it all back plus some and the second I have gained a little over half back. I swore to myself that I would never gain it back again after all the lifestyle changes and hard work I put into achieving it the second time around because the second time around I wasn't looking at things in an aspect of just "being on a diet". I have currently almost completed every step of approval it takes to get gastric bypass surgery which is something I said I would never do but due to unforeseen health issues it looks like it's the fastest and smartest approach to potentially ensure a healthier future. I honestly thought when I first started the 7 month process of getting approved for the surgery that I once again would get a big burst of energy and excitement and lose the weight on my own and be doing so well that I would continue on that path and keep the surgery on the back burner. I however, am having a horrible time losing weight these days. But on the plus side, I have learned to maintain my weight, which will be a great tool in the future when I'm actually at a healthy and or "goal" weight.

I have been gym shopping now for around 3 to 4 months to be exact, which I should have done at the beginning of the program but I first wanted to get my eating habits back on track. So basically, for the past 3 to 4 months my weight has stayed the same within 1 to 3 lbs of gaining and losing it back again. I kept making excuses about the gym each time I would have a visit either with my Dr, Therapist or Nutritionist and every time they would encourage me and try to give me advice or alternatives to derail my excuses. Excuses like, my local gym's hours suck and they don't have exactly everything I'm looking for nor do I feel like the staff vibes well with me. More excuses like my chronic and constant body pain is going to make it hard to do normal gym stuff and yes, I know I can get in the pool to reduce friction on my joints but I don't want people to look at me in a bathing suit. I just kept making excuses until I came to a realization that if I didn't do something that I was going to stay in exactly the same situation I was now with my body and guess what? that is painful everyday anyways so why not at least have a healthy reason as to why my body may ache a bit more.

That bathing suit that I am scared of someone seeing me in so much? Well, who really gives a fuck? Honestly, if a jackass at a gym can't understand that I'm there trying to better my quality of life then that's on them, not me or my rolls that I have all over my body. Honestly, probably one of the biggest things that I always make excuses about is trying to find the perfect fit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say, settle for less. What I'm saying is I'm constantly thinking that every single thing has to be exactly what I'm looking for before I commit. Let's face it, that's not real life and that shit doesn't happen in any aspect of life. I did however find a gym that hit pretty much everything I was looking for, as far as I can tell but I haven't actually met my trainer or all of the staff yet. The thing I had to settle on was that it's about a 25 minute drive one way so approximately an hour out of my day just traveling to and from the gym. I was willing to make that sacrifice in order to get the things that was more important to me even though I will have to devote a little more time and gas money to do so.

The actual program is a commitment of 3 days a week so already I know I have to do that but I'm really am aiming to do 5 days and start incorporating at home work outs on the other two because I have a horrible time not following through with working out at home but I'm hoping this gym program will kick start that as well. So basically, the point of all this is or the inspiration I hope to instill in at least one person is... This is your life, live it. Find a different avenue for those road blocks we call excuses, take the time to find the answers but don't look for perfection because nothing in life will be perfect from the start. Be willing to make some sacrifices to get what you want but don't sacrifice yourself, happiness or health in the process because that is what the core of your life should stem and grow from. I feel like that's a solid piece of advice that can resonate with us all and though any difficulty that we may face. My pain level is fairly moderate right now, I'm nervous, scared and apprehensive of what I will feel like tomorrow upon waking up and then going to bed but I am committed to doing everything I can to get to a point in my life where I feel better because I refuse to be stuck in the never ending circle of poor health and pain due to my own fears and excuses. I want to feel like I have control of my life again and most importantly live it.